John Rosemond continued his talk to the women:
"Be a wife. Remember the vows you took? They didn't say, 'until children do us part', now did they? Then remember the woman you were before you had children: the things you liked doing and so on. Start doing it again! And if that means not doing as much for the kids, so be it. You have a life inside you that has nothing to do with rearing children, and the best thing you could ever do for your kids is let that life out of its cage so they can begin to see that Mom is not just Mom, not just a servant to do their bidding, but an interesting person, worth looking up to."
Some of the ideas in the previous blog entries may seem a bit radical, and maybe they are. I am 49 years old. I am fully aware that the 95-acre corner of earth that I grew up on was different than the typical neighborhood of 2011.Even parenting my children is in some ways a distant memory.
Much more important than what things you do or don't do for your children is the idea that you, the mother, should be setting the boundaries between you and your kids. You are the one who is in control of when children are allowed through those boundaries. Supervision is the name of this game. You are available FOR those little ones 24 hours a day and they never doubt your committment to them for one second. But it is simply not too much to ask them to occupy themselves, fight some of their own battles, do their own homework, fix their own snacks or get themselves a drink. (Remember, I'm not talking about babies here.) You do not need to be at your little ones' beck-and-call. In fact, it really should be the other way around. If a child hears his mother calling, he should drop everything and come running.
I am told that in the 1950's,on Friday and Saturday nights, nearly every television station in the United States broadcast this same message: "Parents! It's 10:00. Do you know where your children are?"
Not, "What are you doing with your children?" but "Where are they? Are you doing your job? Are you providing good supervision?"
So, so, so, so, so good. Seriously. From a mama of 5 little ones (born in 3.5 years..I need to speak to your mama!!!), these words are life-giving and hold tremendous truth that I suspected, but never fully thought out. Thank you so much Fan!!!
ReplyDeleteOh Jeane, you have been entrusted the highest of callings- multiple little ones in a short span of time! You do it with grace and a wonderful sense of humor. I love reading about the "dailies" of your busy household.
ReplyDeleteI will tell you that my mom, bless her heart, talks about those early days of mothering as bittersweet. She says there were times when we would all be crying so she would just sit down on the floor and cry with us.
And like everything else in life, "this too shall pass". In mom's case, her four oldest are now 50, 49, 48 and 47 (and then there are four more!)
This is so powerful for me. It is the way I was raised but gets to 'muddied' up in my mind with all the other voices that are saying the exact opposite to mothers right now.
ReplyDeleteI needed this and thank-you for sharing!
I love your heart! Mary June
I know, Mary June, it's really hard when most of society and even the "experts" are saying that the most important things in parenting relate to our children's self-esteem: paying constant attention to them, praising them while ignoring bad behavior, protecting them from consequences of bad choices. But this type of parenting isnt turning out the kinds of people we want our children to be! And then these moms are being told it must be because they just didn't do ENOUGH of these things? It's a losing battle, it really is. And it's not fair to these precious moms who are giving their lives for their offspring.
ReplyDeleteI for one, believe that when God created the family unit, he equipped moms with basic intstincts and common sense, and if they are encouraged to follow those instincts, they will develop confidence and a sense that they are perfectly equipped and able to do it well! Nothing a child can do is bigger than your ability to deal with it. When God promised to give us wisdom and strength and courage and be ALL that we need, surely He meant in the parenting realm, too!