A child is born

After 9 months of waiting, preparing, anticipating, and after many hours of laboring, a mother finally gives birth to her precious little baby. If it were somehow possible to know the first thoughts of that little one as he enters his new universe, it might be this, "Wow! Look what I did!"

A newborn baby relates his world only to what he knows, and what he knows is himself. His world started when HE entered it. His first reality is that he is first. And if the parents or adults in his life are loving and nurturing as they should be, they treat him as if this belief is true.

When he is hungry, he cries and someone feeds him. When he is tired of walking and raises his hands to be held, he is carried. Whenever he wants attention, he yells and immediately, someone responds. When he is hurt, mommy "kisses his boo-boos."

This is how it should be.

A child learns to TRUST when consistent, loving parents (or others in charge) meet his many needs through the early months of his life. Trust gives him security and roots, an abiding sense that there will always be someone there for him.

And then...

Somewhere around 18-24 months of age, something happens. (Trust me, you will know it when it occurs.)This child, who can now physically do some things for himself, wants to "have his cake and eat it too." He wants his parents to continue catering to his every whim...when he wants them too. Sometimes he chooses to do it himself...when he wants to. He would like life to continue on demand...when he wants it to.

At this point, the parent's responsibility shifts to a new level, where they literally have to start undoing the process they (of necessity) had to create at the beginning. The child now has to start the process of becoming a responsible member of his little world.

The mom and dad's primary job in their child's second year of life (approximately) is to set up a "fortress" of authority---one that encircles the little one completely, providing not only direction, but protection, too.

In other words, mom and dad have to convince Jr of one fact: he does not rule the world. They do.

And if the parents are successful in this endeavor, by about age three, the child sees his parents as all-powerful, all-knowing, all-capable. In short, they become his HEROES. He will pay much more attention to them then they ever need to pay to him. He will have a healthy respect for the people he sees as his ultimate authority.He will feel protected, taken care of, loved.

Remember, the idea is not to make your child a cringing, fearful servant, but to create a safe authority on which he can always rely.

(By the way, someone has said that parents are a child's first representation of God, a first and final POWERFUL and LOVING authority. As the child grows, he transfers this to other authority figures--his teachers, employers etc. Then gradually, he matures to an understanding that the whole world is shaped by Someone bigger than all of us, a God who is both infinite in power and infinite in love.)

NOTE: This whole concept comes from one of Carls' and my favorite books, A Family of Value, by John Rosemond. It is no longer sold in bookstores but you can find it on Amazon. If the whole "marriage-centered vs. child-centered family" approach to raising children intriques you as it does me, I'd recommend reading the book. If nothing else, it gets you to thinking and stimulates great conversation!