Testing

Interestingly, the style of parenting that I have been discussing does not come naturally to me. As a child, I had a very compliant, eager-to-please temperament and wanted peace at all costs. Still do. In personality tests, I rank over-the-top on characteristics that relate to empathy and mercy. (Deep down inside, I'm a push-over, really.)

I married a man with a strong, driven personality and have always felt a lot of security in that. Carl is visionary,take-charge and decisive. Black-and-white.He makes decisions and rarely looks back.

We have four children. As averages would have it, at least two of them have stronger personalities than I do. I recognized this in my first-born when she was very young. I struggled with insecurity knowing that she could often outsmart and outlast me in many of the typical "kid battles." (I used to tell my husband I was actually intimidated by this child! How is that possible?!)

I instinctively knew that even though it was true that these little ones were stronger than me and that I was scared, they absolutely could not know it.

Sometimes we did okay, sometimes not. It seemed to go in cycles, as much of life does. I could usually sense when I was losing the battle, when they were able to take advantage of my weaknesses. It manifested itself in some predictable ways. Lots of whining, fighting, vying for attention, pushing limits.

See, when a child senses that the parent is weak and unsure of themselves, the little one becomes very insecure. Without the three understandings we talked about yesterday, the mama is actually looking to the child for an indication of where to stand instead of the other way around. A child who does not know where his mother stands must test, test, test. It is an attempt on the part of the child to pin his parent down. To find out where the boundaries are. Testing raises the level of stress and tension in the parent-child relationship. What a sad position in which to place a young child!

When I would enter one of these difficult seasons, I found comfort and strength on my knees (not literally, but in a constant communication with the God I knew had created these children with their unique personalities and individual bents.) He knew my temperament and tendencies. Yet He had given these children to me so I had to believe He would equip me with what I needed to raise them.

And secondly, I would feed myself regular doses of encouragement --a shot in the arm, really--by reading books and listening to radio programs and tapes. I found that I would come away from those with an "I can do this!" mentality.

That is my heart now, to be able in some way to encourage young moms who are in the trenches of daily life. You are doing the job 24/7, and you need to know you can do this and you can do it well!