Remembering Lill

"So, tell me...how do we get through this?"

This was one of the last full sentences Lill spoke to me. It was in early November and Carl and I were in Ivan and Lill's living room. Her voice was strong. This was the spunky, direct side of Lill's personality, and her eyes looked straight at me as she asked the question.

After that visit, her ability to speak quickly declined. She continued to hold steadfastly to her faith in God--that He is Sovereign, He is Wise, He is Good. Her mom told me she believed in God more than ever during this time.

The next week when I stopped by the house, she could speak only three or four words at a time. Over and over she would say something like, "It'll be OK." or "God is good." Or a simple "yes, yes!" like an amen when someone talked about God's healing power. Finally, even when words completely failed her, she would visibly relax when the promises of God were read to her or when someone held her hand to pray.

This is how Lill lived her life. Her faith in God defined her. She had an invincible spirit, a positive outlook and a determination to DO something if it was within her power. She had a servant's heart like few other people I know. Most of her work was done behind the scenes: organizing, planning, remembering the little details and adding beautiful touches to the simple things. (How many times did she send out an e-mail to the ladies of our small group, just mentioning in passing that she had ordered a bouquet of flowers or mailed a card or a care package to someone who was hurting. If we wanted to help out with the cost, OK--if not, it was in the very core of who she was, to help, to reach out, to care. And so it got done.)

Lill and I were first of all, neighbors. Back when our children were young, our families both lived along South New Holland Rd. But it was later when Lill accepted an invitation to lead a small group of ladies at the Worship Center, that our friendship deepened. She wasn't sure at first if she could do this job, if she was made of the right stuff to lead a group. Somehow I got involved in teaching once a month. Because I love teaching, and she enjoyed the logistics of leading a group, this arrangement worked well. And Lisa's solid, dependable personality serving as Lill's assistant, made us a pretty good team.

We had no idea what we were in for, what lay ahead for us.

Our group has already known deep sorrow and experienced our share of pain. Today it is exactly two years since we said goodbye to Hannah, who died after a long battle with cancer. About 18 months ago, Becky's husband Amos lost his fight with cancer. Last January, Juanita's little baby boy Blake, died before he had a chance to live. And in the aftermath of my husband's serious motorcycle accident in 2008, this group rallied around our family, in too many ways to count.

Behind the scenes through every loss, there was Lill. Poised, elegant, always encouraging, I rarely saw her ruffled or shaken. If she felt inadequate, she didn't let on or dwell on it. She simply did what was to be done. She organized and planned meals, (in our family's case it was 3 nights a week for 2 months!) wrote e-mails and sweet handwritten notes in her meticulous penmanship. She helped plan several benefit auctions to raise money for medical bills. I will never forget at Amos' funeral, she single-handedly prepared 7 large pans of cassarole, enough to serve 150 people!

Lill was quite simply the heart of our group. The loss is great. The wind has gone out of our sails.

So the question for all of us today is the same one she asked me, "Tell me, how do we get through this?" Ivan, Jeff, Jody and Dathan, Jenessa, Lill's precious sisters and mom...how do you get through this?

I believe the answer is this: we do it like Lill did it. We do it with a sense that God is still in control. We do what is in front of us to do each day, even when we're not sure we have the strength or the ability to do it. In our deep pain, while bent over God's Sovereignty, His Wisdom and His Love, He comes to us intimately, just as He did for Lill. He comforts us by walking with us through the sorrow that seems so unjust.

And we get through this by taking one. step. at. a. time., one breath at a time, if necessary. God's Promise is that His Grace is enough, sufficient for this moment. Tomorrow the grace will be there for tomorrow. To all of us in this place, we just need to do today. We can do today.

And finally, we get through by leaning hard on the promise that this is not all there is. Our finite minds can only grasp what we know, and all we know as human beings is our short time here on planet earth. God's perspective is so grand, so beyond our comprehension, we simply have to trust Him because He is God and we are not. Like Jody said, today is not about goodbye. It's about "see ya later!"


*eulogy I wrote and read at Lill King's funeral