my daughter. my granddaughter

There are times I stop for just a second and my mind acts as a video recorder...capturing the reality that is in front of me and then rewinding 24 years. It all happens in a split second, most times I'm not even aware that I'm doing it. I see a little girl's face, her tear-drop eyes, rosebud lips, and bemused expression. She is looking up at me. Her head tilts just slightly, as if she means to ask a question. Even though she can not yet speak.

Is this de ja vu? I know that when that little girl was my daughter looking up at me, I felt the weight of my new responsibility --and I took the job very seriously. Could I actually raise a child from birth to adulthood and do it successfully? What exactly did "successfully" mean? I read books, listened daily to "Focus on the Family" on the radio, asked my own mother for advice, watched how other mothers did this thing called parenting, asked Jesus for wisdom.

Now, all these years later, I am Nana. I am here when my granddaughter is here, and go on with my life when she is not. The little one looking up at me does not depend entirely on me for sustanance. I am able to bask in the joy of moments with her, absolutely awed at how her little mind is expanding and maturing. How quickly she learns. How her perfectly formed body is growing.

I am amazed that her mother has the energy to keep up with this child. She is doing the job so well and I am proud of who she has become. My daughter, the mommy.

Looking back, I can see now that while the days seem to go by so slowly, the years fly by. It really is true. Just a micro-second of rewinding a video in my mind...

Someone once said that it is as grandmothers that mothers come into the fullness of their grace. It feels that way. And I am grateful for the privilege.