Twenty-six years ago I did not go easily toward the idea of
moving into a house next door to my mother-in-law. I had heard my share of the
stories--strained relationships, hard feelings, families torn apart because two
women, the mother and the wife, simply could not find a way to coexist and to
"share" the same man. I really liked Carl's mother back then, but I
wanted to like her from a safe distance, where there wasn't so much potential
for hurt.
Today I can say that is one of the great blessings in my
life to have lived next-door to this remarkable lady. It has not always been
easy living so close and it hasn't always been perfect, but my mother-in-law
found a way early on to endear me so closely
to her that I couldn't help but love her! She treated me exactly as if I
was one of her daughters --and you know how much she loved them--and she never
seemed to be threatened by the fact that I took her youngest son away from her,
just 6 months after her own husband had passed away. Having a grown son of my
own now, I see more clearly that it must have been a choice, a decision to
accept me, not necessarily something that came naturally at that stage of her
life.
She taught me so much in the dailyness of living next door
to each other: when to plant the peas in the springtime, how much sugar to add
to the peaches when canning, what to do for my baby's high fever. She hemmed
pants and made pillows, and brought her delicious baked goods over to us. She
had so many simple solutions that came out of a lifetime of her own experience.
I benefitted from being in close proximity and learning as we went along. It's
probably what I have missed most about her in these last years, as she became
more forgetful and less confident in her own ability to run a household. Toward
the end, in an interesting role reversal, she would ask ME how to do the very
things she had taught me years ago!
She loved our children, oh how she loved our children! She
spent time with them, played with them, always had favorite snacks on hand and showered
them with genuine adoration, like she could hardly believe these little people
were this special! The memories they have of next-door grandma are very
fresh in their minds today, even though all four of our children are now grown.
I do not have regrets. Mom Smucker and I never had a fight
or spoke harsh words to each other. If she ever had a problem with me, maybe
she told my husband, I don't know, but she never tried to change me or make me
into anyone other than the person I am. I got the feeling she really did like
me!
I so look forward to seeing mom again in heaven, with a body
that is free from the ravages of old age and that functions as energetically as
her spirit. Who knows, maybe in heaven I'll even get to live next-door to her
once again!
Rest well, mom. I'll see you soon.
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